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Lesson 5

 What do you do when you receive an apology for a long-ago hurt? A hurt that you were not aware you still carried? A hurt that was nearly 40 years old? Not a hurt a great sadness, a sadness for a love long gone.  To receive an apology for it seems stupid yet it causes confusion in my mind. His words a reminder that his childhood was worse than mine and yet I had sat in judgment of him. Seeing him as an abuser when he had been abused so much worse than he ever did to me. The automatic reaction to his words, he is lying... Why because that has always been my reaction when he talks about the things he has accomplished. Disbelief ... why? When did I decide that he was a liar? When did I decide that he could accomplish nothing, would never accomplish anything? I wonder if that man in B.C. had mesmerized me after all? It was on that trip back that I decided he was a liar. It was after that trip to B.C. that everything started to collapse. I do not remember the trip back at all. What happened

Lesson 4

 Family has the ability to hurt you even family you hardly know. I have a grand-daughter (GD#2) who is expecting a child, a little girl, my first great-grandchild. This GD and her father have a stormy relationship and so we have interacted rarely. She has grown into a right prissy miss and though I have tried to keep the communication lines open it hasn't worked out well. Three days ago she IM'ed me to see if I had ordered some fancy-dancy baby sling she wanted. Her father apparently said I had. I was supposed to but I forgot so it didn't get bought. She accused her father of lying and said something about communication. I told her she could always get herself a cheaper version. I made reference to her pulling up her bra straps and doing things for herself. She went off the cliff in a rather childish way. She blocked everyone with the last name Marois including her great-aunts and their daughters citing for her reason that we were all toxic. That was something I was more or

Lesson 3

 “I wish you enough,” she whispered in my ear. “Enough sun to light up your days, enough rain that you appreciate the sun. Enough joy to strengthen your soul, enough pain that you can appreciate life’s small moments of happiness. And enough friends that you can manage a farewell now and then.” I found this quote in a book called "The Red Address Book" . It speaks to me in a way many other things do but this has been my guiding principle for as long as I can remember. I do not recall where I first heard it I only recall the feelings it evoked. I reached that point a few years ago but somewhere between 2018 and 2020 I lost it, well I suppose I didn't lose it so much as I forced myself to discontent  against officially reaching 59. I fought what I felt was the end of living for myself. I fought against the fact that soon I would be officially old. But I fought against it in my mind in my heart I felt old already and found myself getting more and more angry at the world and a

Lesson 2

 Wasn't expecting another one so soon but life is like that. I watched a video by someone I remember as a dear friend. Strong & vibrant at 63 she is not. I was only able to watch about six minutes of it because it hurt my heart and made me cry. I kept flashing to the second last time I saw her. She was standing on her doorstep as I took my daughter to the hospital for a cut on her leg that she had sustained while visiting my friend. I was all kinds of upset and worried because it looked so bad.  I saw her many years after that and she was confined to a wheelchair because of arthritis. I remember thinking it served her right that she had earned the punishment that that wheelchair represented. I said all the right things and moved on without a backwards glance. I will not tell you all the bad things I had heard about her but it was enough for me to feel that I made the right choice about leaving her behind. Now so many years after the fact I am looking at a woman who is only thre

Lesson 1

 My brain is a busy place or rather the mind that is within the brain. Convoluted I think but true non-the-less true. I chose to put off the daily writing because I felt like I wasn't really reaching as many people as I wanted too but found myself unwilling to work at it as a job. Like my crafting I don't do it for money, I do it because I want to. After six months of planning daily posts that were useful but not personal it became a chore, after nine months it felt like a job. I am a lazy person, and I have no wish for "a job" and really no need. I did my years in the work force and I've got scars to prove it. The world seems driven by the need to plan and compete for what? A roof over their head? I have that. To not be hungry, I have that. To  take trips? OK that one I miss but the trips I've gone on with the professor were fun and not my responsibility. (Thank goodness). I miss traveling to various places but since we never traveled outside our little corne

Word of the Year

Lessons Connection Power Health Strength Family I am not sure why LESSONS is the one that attracts me but it is the one I keep coming back to. 1. an amount of teaching given at one time; a period of learning or teaching. "an advanced lesson in math" Similar: class session seminar tutorial lecture period period of instruction period of teaching period of coaching period of tutoring period of schooling exercise assignment school task drill school work homework a thing learned or to be learned by a student. "he had a facility for languages and had learned his lessons well" a thing learned by experience. "the tragedy is a  lesson in  disappointment" Similar: knowledge wisdom enlightenment experience truths an occurrence, example, or punishment that serves or should serve to warn or encourage. "let that be a lesson to you!" Similar: warning deterrent caution example exemplar message moral precept 2. a passage from the Bible read aloud during a church


 Christmas has come & gone, there is a layer of ice beneath the snow except when the parking lot isn't covered by puddles. 2020 is almost over with and people keep saying 2021 has to be better. I am thinking not by much since this virus is still with us and has turned even trickier. Makes me think that 2021 will be the same, maybe even worse. The second wave arrived as expected but I think there are going to be several more waves until we finally find a vaccine that works at controlling it the way the measles vaccine makes measles much easier for kids to handle. The problem is that there are several different formulations and no one know which one will be the most effective. I am trying to get upbeat about 2021 but all I see when I look ahead is more of the same. It may not be a zombie apocalypse but it has changed how we shop and how we react to each other on a day to day basis. Avoiding human contact is not healthy but it seems to be the only thing that works to slow this vir