Whoohoo!

Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival—to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.
Covey, Stephen R.. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (p. 253). RosettaBooks. Kindle Edition.
Whoa! Something most people don't even consider that! Psychological survival is just as important as physical survival. How many of us actually feel like we are understood, validated, appreciated, like our feelings count too?

I don't. Not at all. The people in my life try or at least pretend to try but not one of them actually sees the real person inside the skin I present to them. Most of them don't want to know, they are so wrapped up in their needs and wants that they have no time to notice that while I'm present, a lot of the time I am not PRESENT.
But joy is the absence of fear. Joy is your soul’s knowledge that if you don’t get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it’s because you weren’t meant to. You’re meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More. Joy is where your life began, with your first cry. Joy is your birthright Breathnach, Sarah Ban. Something More (p. 10). Grand Central Publishing. Kindle Edition.
Most of us unconsciously create dramas in our minds, automatically expecting the worst from every situation, only to have our negative expectations become self-fulfilling prophecies. Inadvertently, we become authors of our own misfortune. And so we struggle from day to day, careening from crisis to crisis, bruised and battered by circumstances, without realizing that we have a choice. Breathnach, Sarah Ban. Something More (p. 10). Grand Central Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Can you identify? I certainly can.

Try as I might there are still days when fear of what comes next scares the beJesus out of me. As I become more aware of where and when my life deviated from the course it had been set on I worry that I will never feel "normal". That I will never find my way back to the course I am supposed to be on. Carrying my baggage to heaven's gate and being told I was supposed to leave most of it behind so I have to come back & repeat my life again.

It feels like I've been working for half my life sorting out the stuff that happened in my first 35 years or so and learning to accept that that is the way it was and how it impacts the woman I am today. No wonder I have days when all I want to do is sleep. Like right now ... I've been up maybe an hour and already I want to go back to bed.

But then I wonder if it really is all in my mind. That I expect to feel tired all the time, so I do. My family would say so. Me, I don't know if it is because of current events or if it stems from the past, I just know I'm yawning my head off. Maybe all I need to do is crack a window and let some fresh air in... the suggestion leads to the action. Let's see if the cold air from outside will wake me up or not, for certain the coffee doesn't seem to be helping
"Being grateful. That’s the first step to the path of joy.”
Breathnach, Sarah Ban. Something More (p. 11). Grand Central Publishing. Kindle Edition. 
Hold that thought. I practice gratitude everyday. I don't always write in my gratitude journal but I always thank the PTB for at least one thing in my day before I go to bed. It helps the day end on a high note even if overall it has been a bad day.

I can't wait to find out what the other steps are.

At this point I'm supposed to ask you a question but since no one but the professor ever comments I think I won't bother today.



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