Skip to main content

Posts

Lesson 7

 I found the cure for too much computer time, it's called TV. Simple huh? The best part is I can do nearly everything on the TV that I used to be able to do on the computer. I'm looking into a way to get books on it  but until then I have a lot of video channels I can watch plus YouTube for all the fun stuff like exercise & music. Its a win win and with the addition of a console of some sort the possibilities become even more. It does mean that unless I keep messenger open on my phone or tablet I'm going to be out of touch a fair am until I get tired of videos
Recent posts

Lesson 6

 Sometimes going back to YOUR neighbourhood is not a good idea! I have seen and heard a lot of fucked up stuff in this neighbourhood since I moved back 5 years ago but today it hit close to home.  I saw my granddaughter put herself into a situation that could have turned deadly. Since she has some basic police training she handled it well but it reminded me that when I came back to the place I call home I came back to a dangerous neighbourhood. In my time here it has gotten worse but then so has the world at large. But it was my granddaughter out on the front line today, I was immensely proud and terrified at the same time. She called it a live-fire training. She wants to be able to get through something like that and not be emotionally wrecked by it, I do not want her to lose her tender heart.  I love her and I love my neighbourhood and I REALLY wish she had not followed me here. She says she is exactly where she needs to be because this neighbourhood will help her strengthen her wall

Lesson 5

 What do you do when you receive an apology for a long-ago hurt? A hurt that you were not aware you still carried? A hurt that was nearly 40 years old? Not a hurt a great sadness, a sadness for a love long gone.  To receive an apology for it seems stupid yet it causes confusion in my mind. His words a reminder that his childhood was worse than mine and yet I had sat in judgment of him. Seeing him as an abuser when he had been abused so much worse than he ever did to me. The automatic reaction to his words, he is lying... Why because that has always been my reaction when he talks about the things he has accomplished. Disbelief ... why? When did I decide that he was a liar? When did I decide that he could accomplish nothing, would never accomplish anything? I wonder if that man in B.C. had mesmerized me after all? It was on that trip back that I decided he was a liar. It was after that trip to B.C. that everything started to collapse. I do not remember the trip back at all. What happened

Lesson 4

 Family has the ability to hurt you even family you hardly know. I have a grand-daughter (GD#2) who is expecting a child, a little girl, my first great-grandchild. This GD and her father have a stormy relationship and so we have interacted rarely. She has grown into a right prissy miss and though I have tried to keep the communication lines open it hasn't worked out well. Three days ago she IM'ed me to see if I had ordered some fancy-dancy baby sling she wanted. Her father apparently said I had. I was supposed to but I forgot so it didn't get bought. She accused her father of lying and said something about communication. I told her she could always get herself a cheaper version. I made reference to her pulling up her bra straps and doing things for herself. She went off the cliff in a rather childish way. She blocked everyone with the last name Marois including her great-aunts and their daughters citing for her reason that we were all toxic. That was something I was more or

Lesson 3

 “I wish you enough,” she whispered in my ear. “Enough sun to light up your days, enough rain that you appreciate the sun. Enough joy to strengthen your soul, enough pain that you can appreciate life’s small moments of happiness. And enough friends that you can manage a farewell now and then.” I found this quote in a book called "The Red Address Book" . It speaks to me in a way many other things do but this has been my guiding principle for as long as I can remember. I do not recall where I first heard it I only recall the feelings it evoked. I reached that point a few years ago but somewhere between 2018 and 2020 I lost it, well I suppose I didn't lose it so much as I forced myself to discontent  against officially reaching 59. I fought what I felt was the end of living for myself. I fought against the fact that soon I would be officially old. But I fought against it in my mind in my heart I felt old already and found myself getting more and more angry at the world and a

Lesson 2

 Wasn't expecting another one so soon but life is like that. I watched a video by someone I remember as a dear friend. Strong & vibrant at 63 she is not. I was only able to watch about six minutes of it because it hurt my heart and made me cry. I kept flashing to the second last time I saw her. She was standing on her doorstep as I took my daughter to the hospital for a cut on her leg that she had sustained while visiting my friend. I was all kinds of upset and worried because it looked so bad.  I saw her many years after that and she was confined to a wheelchair because of arthritis. I remember thinking it served her right that she had earned the punishment that that wheelchair represented. I said all the right things and moved on without a backwards glance. I will not tell you all the bad things I had heard about her but it was enough for me to feel that I made the right choice about leaving her behind. Now so many years after the fact I am looking at a woman who is only thre

Lesson 1

 My brain is a busy place or rather the mind that is within the brain. Convoluted I think but true non-the-less true. I chose to put off the daily writing because I felt like I wasn't really reaching as many people as I wanted too but found myself unwilling to work at it as a job. Like my crafting I don't do it for money, I do it because I want to. After six months of planning daily posts that were useful but not personal it became a chore, after nine months it felt like a job. I am a lazy person, and I have no wish for "a job" and really no need. I did my years in the work force and I've got scars to prove it. The world seems driven by the need to plan and compete for what? A roof over their head? I have that. To not be hungry, I have that. To  take trips? OK that one I miss but the trips I've gone on with the professor were fun and not my responsibility. (Thank goodness). I miss traveling to various places but since we never traveled outside our little corne