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Thinking

I can't seem to get out of my head for some reason. It began around March 23, since the 25th is/was my mother's birthday I was halfway expecting it but being aware does not mean I can control it. Mostly it saps my energy and pulls me into a grey space much like today. That is the other side of it you see, lack of sun also saps my energy so the ain't days, compound the problem, Given that the 23rd was the day I accepted my families assistance that I go into self-quarantine. I am vulnerable to this virus which just added another layer to my spirit and pulled me deeper into that grey space.

Yes, I am aware that I am not the only one suffering this way but that doesn't mean I have to stay silent about the pain. Oh yeah, surprise, surprise around the first of the month my fibro decided it was due for a flare-up. I am very good at hiding my mental & physical state from those around me but sometimes it just doesn't matter, I can't/refuse to respond to life. Does that make sense? I guess what I'm saying is that I am in a "Fuck it, I'm over it" state.

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