International Dance

This is supposed to be a day of coming together and watching a dance performance, with social distancing that is not possible so I thought I would look at it from a different point of view. I want to be able to dance like no one is watching but alas one stupid memory from my childhood keeps getting in the way. Fever dreams are not nice things especially at six years old, they stick with you your whole life. I guess I want to share it since I keep talking about it. It is possible you have heard this story before. I will do it in two parts first the fever dream and then the original memory.

I had watched my first ever ballet on TV the night before, I think it was "Swan Lake". I was a bright and energetic six year old though I was well on my way to being a loner at that time. This was the incident that finished the job. So, it was late June and it was a bright day. I decided I wanted to dance as I had seen the ballet dancers do it and I began to dance with the shadows. I became so deep in concentration that I didn't hear the recess bell when I finished my dance and did a little bow I became aware that the whole school had been watching me.

In the fever dream the laughter is derisive and the clapping the slow mock clap you give when you are making fun of others. The words were sarcastic and mean.

In real life they were clapping for me and laughing with joy. Every word was one of the positive ones.

Shortly after that I came down with measles and spent a week lost in my head and the dream became a nightmare. I don't remember the words only the smiles & laughter, the fact that they had enjoyed it was lost to the fever. 

It took me a long time to see it for what it is was. To this day I am unable to let myself dance without paranoia about what others will say if they see me even in the privacy of my own home. I borrowed a book from Kindle Unlimited called Dance with this Book hoping it would get me dancing again. This is like the twentieth time I have tried to overcome this particular roadblock and I will continue because I love dancing. When I forget and let the music take me I am in heaven but sooner or later the paranoia comes back and I stop again sometimes for years.

Check out the book and Youtube to help you get your body moving and dance like no one is watching.